Is it alive?! – Hayes, horrified to learn about a defrosting turkey in the tub.
I love that baby dog – Hayes on meeting a puppy by the pier.
Dad said if I want to be able to afford to live here I need to start my own business. Or marry a rich girl – Arlo, relaying Dad’s carpool life conversation sessions.
Ok. But you literally listen to the same songs – Arlo, in response to me lecturing him on his choice of crude and profane rap songs.
I want a burrito AND a beer, bitch! – Homeless man at Del Taco when I asked if he wanted a burrito.
My friends mom has this metal thing and it gets really hot and makes all their clothes straight and flat – Rex, meeting an iron for the first time.
You should join the PTA – Leon, every day of school until I finally joined PTA.
Shouldn’t you still have a contractor look at it, right? Leon, doubting the deck Mike built.
Shouldn’t you keep them in google docs?– Leon, on addresses. Forever wishing I could be more organized.
I can’t wait to go to college – Leon
I can’t wait to not go to college – Rex
How do YOU KNOW? – Hayes, after every single thing I tell him.
How are there six people in this house and not one of them can figure it out? – Me, frustrated by the apple tv remote
This is so stupid – Mike hunting Ringo – the escape parrot with a ladder, a cage with fresh seeds, and bird noises on speaker.
Down hill at the pawn shop! Rex in the shower, newly sublime influenced.
“Oh for God’s sake, just shut it, Carol!” – Old lady to another old lady who inquired Arlo with his ice cream cart on whether he had a permit.
Has anyone seen my essential oils? – Leon
She only likes smart people – Rex, on the unjustness of his fourth grade teacher.
I walked by her with a parrot on my shoulder and she didn’t even look at it – Rex, on the unjustness of his fourth grade teacher.
Dad said it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it is a poor girl – Arlo, again with Dad’s insight.
Im not saying this to be mean, but – Leon, often before he says something mean.
It’s still curly though. – Hayes, on his newly snipped haircut that took a chunk of his bangs off his head.
I hate you and love you! – Hayes to Rex in a heated argument over minecraft. Summing up 90% of relationship woes.
It’s like the more money I make the more I spend. It’s hard – Arlo, learning the harsh reality of “mo money mo problems.”
Trust me. Calypso music makes people want to buy ice cream – Mike, on how to sell it.