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Is it alive?! – Hayes, horrified to learn about a defrosting turkey in the tub.

I love that baby dog – Hayes on meeting a puppy by the pier.

Dad said if I want to be able to afford to live here I need to start my own business. Or marry a rich girl – Arlo, relaying Dad’s carpool life conversation sessions.

Ok. But you literally listen to the same songs – Arlo, in response to me lecturing him on his choice of crude and profane rap songs.

I want a burrito AND a beer, bitch! – Homeless man at Del Taco when I asked if he wanted a burrito.

My friends mom has this metal thing and it gets really hot and makes all their clothes straight and flat – Rex, meeting an iron for the first time.

You should join the PTA – Leon, every day of school until I finally joined PTA.

Shouldn’t you still have a contractor look at it, right? Leon, doubting the deck Mike built.

Shouldn’t you keep them in google docs?– Leon, on addresses. Forever wishing I could be more organized.

I can’t wait to go to college – Leon

I can’t wait to not go to college – Rex

How do YOU KNOW? – Hayes, after every single thing I tell him.

How are there six people in this house and not one of them can figure it out? – Me, frustrated by the apple tv remote

This is so stupid – Mike hunting Ringo – the escape parrot with a ladder, a cage with fresh seeds, and bird noises on speaker.

Down hill at the pawn shop!  Rex in the shower, newly sublime influenced.

“Oh for God’s sake, just shut it, Carol!” – Old lady to another old lady who inquired Arlo with his ice cream cart on whether he had a permit.

Has anyone seen my essential oils? Leon

She only likes smart people – Rex, on the unjustness of his fourth grade teacher.

I walked by her with a parrot on my shoulder and she didn’t even look at it – Rex, on the unjustness of his fourth grade teacher.

Dad said it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it is a poor girl – Arlo, again with Dad’s insight.

Im not saying this to be mean, but – Leon, often before he says something mean.

It’s still curly though. – Hayes, on his newly snipped haircut that took a chunk of his bangs off his head.

I hate you and love you! – Hayes to Rex in a heated argument over minecraft. Summing up 90% of relationship woes.

It’s like the more money I make the more I spend. It’s hard – Arlo, learning the harsh reality of “mo money mo problems.”

Trust me. Calypso music makes people want to buy ice cream  – Mike, on how to sell it.

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